Unwitting Affection

Freud has an interesting quotation somewhere about how, when we try to feign sincerity, even our fingers betray us.  He meant by it that when we try to project positivity or confidence to people, our negativity or neurosis shows up when we involuntarily twiddle our thumbs or shake our hands or twitch.

But even if that's true, so is the converse, and Daniel exemplifies it.  Even when we want to be the tough guy, the indifferent, aloof, cool player, sometimes our  actions betray deep affections that we really feel.

On the surface, nobody is cooler than Daniel.  And he's also Mr. Popular at school, apparently.  Amy says that when Daniel leaves school for the day, he's like Norm from Cheers,with a chorus of admirers saying goodbye to him.

And at home, he seems to suppress the normal affectionate words and actions that are generally very common in our family.  But then, as he comes over to tell me about some biome he's building himself in Mine Craft, he'll take one of my hands and just hold it or even stroke  it as he speaks.  Or he'll call me into the living room to show me something important in the game, and as I'm looking at it, he'll just back up into my torso, creating a hug-environment around himself and maintaining it for some time.  At bedtime, if I don't go sleep in his room when he beckons me, he'll be miffed and tell me, "Never mind."  But when I do, in fact, never-mind, he'll then come to where I'ms sleeping - at 1:00 or 4:00 in the morning, and say, "Daddy, will you sleep with me?"  And this time, there's no "Never mind"; as groggy as he is, he won't go back to his own room until  he seems me start to follow him.

Many children, like adults, have public virtues and private vices.  Daniel seems to have public vices and private virtues.  If I called him on them - pointed out that he's really very affectionate after all, in his own way, of course he would deny it.  But I'll certainly never point it out to him; it's much better to quietly enjoy the spontaneous doses of endearment that he quietly dishes out.

(March, 2014)