Them That Can't, Evaluate

Ian is smart, but Daniel is savvy.

Daniel understands that when you go home in Daddy's car, you can get stuff. We understood the same thing as children.  Mommies are practical and motivated to save money and go straight home - at least when there are children in the car.  Daddies are more of a wandering breed, and can easily be led in new directions.

So whenever Daniel is in the car with me, there's a concrete proposal.  Even after spending an hour or two at an indoor play place, getting a phosphorescent red slush (or slurpee) that nobody else got because they went home with Mommy, Daniel will point at the Shell station right across from the play complex and ask, "Daddy, can we go to a gas station?  Please!!!"  But Daniel doesn't want anything that OPEC has to offer; he has more Hershey/Nestle in mind, which would entail actually going into the bountiful indoor emporium which is now every gas station in America. As soon as one indulgence is consumed, the campaign begins for the next one.  It works somewhat less than 50% of the time, but the tireless lobbying still pays off handsomely.

So a week ago, I had to stayed at an ice skating rink with Daniel somewhat longer than the other three; Ian and Madeleine went home earlier with Amy, but Daniel is always the last one to want to leave an aerobic engagement, even if Daddy's car isn't part of the package.  Daniel asked if we stop  to the Tamil-owned liquor store about a mile from home on the way back, and we did.  But even before we left the ice-skating center, Daniel procured a bottle of Canada Dry Ginger Ale from the vending machine.  When we got home, Daniel wisely left the contraband in the car, to avoid both the Matriarch's scorn and the peers' envy.

But unfortunately, Amy needed to use my car the next day, so I brought Daniel's ginger ale into the house.  Ian saw it somewhat later, and, for some reason, wanted to know more.  When he found out it was Daniel's, he actually seemed upset;  I explained, accurately if elliptically, that Daniel had happened to be in the right place at the right time.  Ian's rage was somewhat less memorable than the indignant outburst that accompanied it:

"But that's not fair!  It's random!!!

Of course, that's exactly what it is.  Ian understands the workings of Daddy's parallel universe without needing to articulate such basic truths; it seems he's too busy cramming unnaturally colorful candies into his system to think about how they got there.

(March, 2014)