A Small Step for Junior; A Giant Step for Mom and Dad

A couple of summers ago, when we were vacationing at a lakeside cottage, the boys were invited by their friend Liam, one of our cottage-neighbors, to spend the night at his pad.  Amy and I were very nervous about it,but we couldn't find a rational excuse to tell them they couldn't accept the invitation. We had spent a few summers side by side with Liam's family and we had no concerns about them.  But the whole  prospect was daunting - our little boys spending their first night entirely away from family, even if it was about sixty steps from the cottage where we were staying.

When I went  over to bring the boys their pajamas, help them get dressed, and brushed their teeth, I discovered that Ian had changed his mind; he wanted to go back with me.  Daniel was still quite ready to stay the night; in spite of being two years younger, he was more up to the challenge, and he was annoyed that I decided to take both of them back with me if Ian wasn't going to be there.  Poor Liam, in the meantime, was quite perplexed that I was taking Daniel back.  I explained that  he wouldn't have Ian there with him; Liam pointed out very logically, and with feeling, "But he'll have me!"

I felt sad for Liam and Daniel, but as soon as the boys and I arrived back at our cottage, Amy's reaction helped me recognize what I was primarily feeling about the whole thing; she couldn't contain her delight.  "They're staying!" she cooed, and I felt exactly the same way.

So the prospect of any of our children being "old enough" to sleep outside of the family domain was gone from our lives, to our great relief, until its unwelcome reappearance this weekend.  Ian was invited to a group slumber party, and we had to revisit the whole question of do-we-let-them-out-of-our-sight.  Amy and I talked and decided we would let Ian choose.  Amy had reason to be confident; he probably wouldn't quite be up to the challenge, for a number of reasons that we discussed.  Tonight,  on my way back from work, I was supposed to stop by to bring him my cell. phone, but, quite happily for me, Amy called me on the road and told me not to bother; Ian didn't think he was going to stay the night after all, and he'd probably want me to come pick him up sometime between 9:00 and 10:00.

So I went home, had supper, humored Madeleine in her every whim for awhile, as usual, and then prepared to go out to get Ian.  I thought I should prepare his sleeping bag, pajamas and toothbrush,  just in case he changed his mind.  I took Golden the Dog in the car with me, since it was going to be a quick trip and it's good for our socially-challenged dogs to get a bit of structured companionship, such as brief outings in the car.

I got to the party, and Ian was immersed in a video game with his peers.  I sat down quietly and poked around the Internet on my cell. phone, giving him time to find me at his own pace.  Eventually he came over and said he couldn't believe he hadn't noticed me earlier.  He asked me if I had brought his pajamas, etc., and mentioned that he was actually starting to think he might like to stay overnight.  But for now, he wanted me to sit tight.  So I continued my 'net-surfing, stopping to rest my eyes a bit from time to time, and then the announcement came that it was time for the kids to put on their pajamas, brush their teeth, and start watching the movie. I went out to the car and grabbed Ian's sleeping bag, toothbrush and pajamas and brought them in.  By now, Ian was really thinking that he might want to stay, but he was wondering if I could also stay overnight.  I told him I thought it was probably better if I left, but he could stay if he wanted.

And then our little boy decided to sleep  under someone else's roof for the first time in ten and a half years.

I went out to the car and got Golden and held him in my arms by the door so that  Ian could say goodnight to him.  I gave Ian my cell. phone and made him do a mock-demo of how-to-call-home.  "If you want to come home for  any reason, you can call me any time."  A nod and what seemed like a look of reassurance, and even happiness.  And then a blessing, a kiss, a hug, and a ride back through the cold night with only Golden by my side.  Ian seemed to be at  peace with his decision and settled down to watch the movie.

I don't think this is such a big deal for him, but of course it is for us.  Probably one of those times when we'll need him to shepherd us gently across this new, unfamiliar terrain.  In the meantime, I set up extra phone extensions in case he decides to give us one more reprieve from this symbolic but unwelcome milestone in the story of our baby slowly growing up.

(March 21-22, 2014)