Note For Santa, From a Frustrated Dessert Chef

I have maintained a don't-ask-don't tell policy regarding legendary figures for a long time.  Whenever the children ask me a question about Santa, the Tooth Fairy, or leprechauns, I say something like, "That's a good question."  When they really push about whether Santa Claus is real, I tell them, truthfully and without hesitation, "Saint Nicholas is real."  That seemed to work for a long time; but now they're carrying out their own inquiries and assisting each other in arriving at conclusions.

On Orthodox Christmas Eve (January 6), Madeleine asked me how Santa gets down the chimney.  I told her it was an interesting question.  To be honest, this was the question I asked, one time when I looked up the chimney somewhere around age 7 or 8, and the peers I asked spilled the beans.  I dutifully reported it to my friend from neighborhood/church/school, Michael, who was in Kindergarten (I was in first grade).  He has always prided himself on his rational thought processes, and he was no different then:  "Then how do the presents get there?" He asked it in exactly the same tone he would ask some probing question now, at 47.  The fact that he was asking told me that perhaps it wasn't time for him to know, so I quietly dropped the matter, tacitly hinting at defeat.

I tried bluntness when the question of leprechauns came up a few years ago.  Both boys came home from school pumped up with true stories of leprechauns in the homes of Irish-Americans in Southern New Hampshire in our own time.  One of them - I think Ian - asked me if leprechauns were real, and I said, "No baby, they're not."  Like Mike in 1973, Ian circa 2010 was nonplussed by my disinformation; he knew they were real from his classmates' stories.  So again, I let the greater mind prevail (and I do mean the greater mind, regardless of the current state of affairs).

A few years ago, Daniel proposed that the tooth fairy, if she's real, is the most beautiful thing in the world.  However, the last time he lost teeth (two, back-to-back, with some credit to a recent exchange with Ian for one of them being expedited), he asked me if leprechauns were real.  I was surprised by the context, except that it occurred to me that maybe he was trying out a hypothesis on a parallel folk tradition to figure out the real source of the money under his pillow.

At this point, Ian puts words in finger-quotations when he discusses Santa with me.  He is determined to keep things going for Madeleine.  But his explicit non-belief doesn't prevent him from maintaining the traditions.  Tonight, he and Madeleine left gluten-free frosted anise cookies out for Santa in the family room, on the small desk in the corner, right in front of the gerbils' tank.  I had hoped we had gluten-laden cookies for Santa, since he doesn't have those dietary restrictions and Scottish Daddy keeps his mind on the bottom line, but there were none.  Ian also wanted to make for "Santa" an elaborate concoction that's one of his favorite projects - some scrumptious combination of marshmallow fluff and chocolate chips, melted together in a cup in the toaster oven.  However, when Mommy found out about this project, she apparently decided that Santa didn't need such a treat.  Ian was mildly miffed.  He left a note next to the cookies and milk, as follows:

"there's a note near the taoster oven.  (Sorry, I did't use marshmellows, fluff was a last resort.  I hope you like the peanut butter and if you don't you can leave it - Ian."
Then he left the other note by the toaster oven, as pomised, along with the container of Marshmallow fluff, a jar of peanut butter, and a bag of chocolate chips.  This is the note, exactly as written and spelled, with my notes in square-brackets:

[Side 1]

Dear Santa,

thanks for buying and making toys for us.  We love you!  This is a very nice thing!

with love,

Ian

(P.S.  Stay happy!  :)

[picture of Pikachu's head]

read back [arrow]

(front)
[Ian's notation]

[Side 2]

I left the ingredients.  Serves 5 people.


#1. put 2 layers of marshmellows + choco. chips.

2.  cook in oven for 9 in. and on untill ingredients melt.

3.  when done, stirr in peanut butter in.  and/or pieces of gram crackers.

4.  Eat with spoon.  pour in fluff.


(Fluff may substitute MM.)

Enjoy :)


(January 6, 2014)