If You Love Something, Don't Set It Free!

The boys have spent a few summers now with their good friend Liam, whose parents stay at the cottage next door, the same week that we go on vacation. Liam is exactly Ian's age, and gets along famously with both boys, and they look forward over the year to seeing each other in the summer.

This past summer was unusual, because the boys had been talking for a few days about the prospect of Ian and Daniel sleeping over at Liam's cottage, and on the last night before we all went home, they got their agendas lined up, and there was consensus that all three boys were up for the slumber party, and Liam's parents were also fine with it. This was a source of gigantic Angst for me, because neither of the boys has ever spent the night away from family - Mom and/or Dad (usually both) or Grandmother - their whole life. I agonized. I prayed. I didn't want my boys to "grow up" that fast, even though this milestone isn't exactly moving into the freshman dorm. But I felt that I should override my attachment and anxiety, considering that all parties were up to it, including Amy who, to my great chagrin, did not rule out the prospect out of hand, and dropped the final decision on my lap.

So we were bracing for this fearsome separation. I went through the cottage and gathered up the boys' pajamas and toothbrushes, very unhappy that these trappings of our daily life would not take place under our roof, with us participating. I went over to the neighbors' cottage and went into Liam's bedroom, where the three were faithfully glued to Liam's small DVD player, as usual.

And then, something magnificent happened: Just as I was getting the boys in gear for some tooth-brushin', Ian announced very softly and timidly that he didn't think he was ready to spend the night at someone else's house. I had to suppress my neurotic ecstasy!

Needless to say, Daniel was still quite ready to spend the night, but he's the five-year-old and Ian's the seven-year-old, and it seemed like an all-or-nothing package made sense - especially since Daniel would likely change his mind circa 1:00 a.m.

But the second-most moving reaction of the evening (I'll explain later what the most moving one was), came from Liam. He was very unhappy with the whole reversal of arrangements, and really didn't understand why I was compelling Daniel to come home, when in fact Daniel was more than happy to stay at Liam's. I told him that I didn't want "to leave Daniel alone," and, shrugging in utter consternation, he pointed out that he wouldn't be alone - that Liam, himself, would also be there.

After our departure, one of the boys - I didn't write down which one - observed: "Daddy, I saw Liam with tears when we were leaving. I think it was because we couldn't stay with him.

And now for the best reaction of the evening: when I came back to our cottage with pajamas, toothbrushes and two boys, Amy 's face lit up, also in pure bliss, and said, "They're staying?! Yay!!!"

(July 29, 2011)