A Boy's Profound Love for his Pet Salamander

This evening, I picked up some diapers at a department store for Madeleine (our two-year-old), and unfortunately the boys duly noted the presence of the $1 bin section, and within a matter of minutes Ian wanted a miniature bug zoo from one of those treasure-laden cardboard bins.

I had told them ahead of time we weren't getting anything at the store - we had already picked up some disgusting gluten-free "cookies" at a hippy-dippy grocery store, and I was ready to dig in my heels. However, I thought of how much Ian loves insects, and ultimately relented. This decision itself posed a kind of ethical dilemma - I found it very likely that a significant number of insects would die in captivity if I splurged on this bug-zoo for Ian. But it seemed more important that the lad cultivate his interests and affections, so I dug out the extra dollar. (Daniel, per the rules of affirmative action, was entitled to an item as well, so of course he selected a nerf sword.)

Of course, I wasn't even finished getting supper ready when we got home, when Ian had already gleaned a captive. In this case it was a salamander - of salamandrin, as he calls it even now. Within minutes, he and Amy were online fining out everything they could about "the red salamander." Ian was very proud of his acquisition, or, as he called it, his "pet."

In short order, he had other "pets" of somewhat lesser status, including a slug. He knew from his very recent inquiry that red salamanders eat snails, and, in spite of his generally very compassionate orientation, he was contemplating making the slug the salamander's ever-so-temporary roommate. This should offer a sense as to how much he cared for this salamander...

Daniel told him he should let the bugs go, and my opinion was solicited, so I opined...

I believe, and therefore told him, that bugs don't tend to last more than a day or two in captivity, so he would probably want to let it go sometime in the next day. Immediately, Ian started doing the math to determine how long he could hold onto it before he absolutely had to let it go. At that point, I volunteered that bugs can die rather abruptly. [I didn't want him to calculate that he could keep it for 48 hours and then be bitterly disappointed after something more like 36...]

So I figured that he would let it go tomorrow morning...

However, within a matter of minutes, he came into the house after a rather quiet foray into the great outdoors, and announced that he had let the salamander go.

I was very, very impressed with this really selfless act (particularly for a six-year-old), and I stopped him and told him that he had probably saved the salamander's life, that now the salamander could go fend for himself in the way that he knows how to do in the wild, and that I was very proud of him - I meant every word of that message, and felt it very deeply.

At that point, he burst into tears, and said that he loved the salander and didn't want to let it go, but he wanted it to live. I saw how upset he was, and said that we probably could hold onto it for one night and I could let it go as I leave for work tomorrow, and it it would most likely be okay. On that basis, we went out to the driveway to retrieve it. I had forgotten that salamanders are not like snails - they actually more pretty fast. So in spite of my turning on the car lights in the driveway (and the highbeams) we didn't manage to find the creature, and came back into the house empty-handed...

Ian told me he had told the salamander something: "If it wanted to see me tomorrow, it should come to where I let it go, and I let it go in the driveway." [I think he's planning a trip to the driveway tomorrow to see if the salamander decides to come back for a visit.]

He added: "I also gave it to 'three' to decide if it wanted to stay with me or go, and it choosed to go."

Of course, he was in tears at that point, and within a minute, so was I. I explained that even when our pets love us, if they're used to living in nature, they might decide to go back to it, not because they don't care for us, but because they know better how to take care of themselves on their own.

Ian told me that he loved the salamander and that's why he let it go - because he wanted what was best for the salamander even more than he wanted to keep it. I can't emphasize enough that, as trivial as all of this might seem to a jaded adult, this really reflects a tremendous understanding of - and possession of - love, and I'm extremely proud that my sweet, intellectual, mildly unconventional six-year-old is who he is. I really did shed tears in that conversation with him, as I told him how proud I was of him.

He told me he couldn't get the salamander out of his head, so I relented as I seldom do - I let all three of them watch a video (a rare phenomenon when I'm in charge), and they proceeded to watch their new Brer Rabbit video that Auntie Ann brought them this weekend. I definitely think that this antidote has taken some of the sting out of this very real, if transitory, heartbreak.

(April 25, 2010)

Soon aftewards,